Holiday Grinch

TEELA-WOOKET

2008-04-15T13:55:00.000-07:00

Memories from a girls camp in Roxbury, Vermont:

Popovers were served at Sunday breakfast and you were allowed only two. Catholics ate later (after going to mass in town) and got all they could eat!

Uniforms were rented and we wore light blue all week, navy shorts/white shirt Saturday afternoon and all white on Sunday. Shorts had six buttons. Sailor style.

There were two four-week sessions, July and August. Most campers went for both months.

Camp news was sent via Chippy the Chipmunk in the dining hall after dinner on Saturday and awards were presented.

Each week we were allowed to order 25 cents worth of candy from the store in town. It was called "purchase". You wrote your name and order on a small paper bag. You could get 50 mint juleps for a quarter.

We also went to town once a week and could buy a drink and some candy.

Cappy was in charge of all horse related activities.

We rode up and over the hills of Vermont on dining benches lined up on the sides of a truck.

The pond turned blond hair green and was freezing cold.

Junior camp had swings on a bluff overlooking a fantastic view.

Each girl had a checkbook and was allowed $7.50 per month. They made us each buy one tennis ball for eighty cents. Craft and candle supplies were purchased by check.

Hot chocolate was served every morning, in giant metal pitchers.

Every morning cabins were cleaned and inspected and then hair, nails, and uniforms were inspected at flag-raising.

Senior campers were allowed to work as DA's, Dining Assistants. They sat at the head of the table and carried trays of food and dishes from and to the kitchen. Counselors sat at mid-table. The food was fantastic.

We played hand slapping games waiting for the doors to open before meals.

The bugle calls were made with a real bugle.

You could buy ice cream cones in the afternoon.

Watching old Teela-Wooket movies (really old, like from the '20's or 30's) was a favorite rainy day/night activity.

Vespers was held every Sunday night.

Cabins did not have running water. We had a pitcher, bowl, and slop bucket. Sometimes it hailed and we put our basins on our heads.

The toilets were in buildings called the HULA. It was smelly.

In NYC, campers boarded the train at Penn Station at night and slept on the train arriving in Roxbury the next morning. So fun!

You needed to get in the front of the line to get a good horse which was easy most of the time, but people snuck out of their cabins early after rest period and slithered down the hill. There was nothing worse than getting stuck with a bad horse.

The last night of camp in August ended in mass hysterical crying in the dining hall as we waited to go to the train station. No one wanted to leave friends or camp.

______________

Just trying to make the world a better place, or things that bug me. A new series of posts:

2008-01-22T11:45:00.000-08:00

That is a stirrer, not a straw.

Please do not drink your cocktail through it. Stir and remove. Put it down.

Thankyouverymuch.

Worst Jello Salad, or other Thanksgiving abominations

2007-11-20T15:59:00.001-08:00

Hey there! Now that I have opened my blog to non-holiday related issues (and I do have issues), a whole new world has opened up. Too bad I can't get my sorry *** to post. If I could just remember my Blogger password without having to look it up, it would be a big help.
Anyway, now that I've announced a departure from holiday-only posts, I want to talk about Thanksgiving. (The Grinch is a contrary person).
So, last year readers chimed in on the Thanksgiving Meal. This year, let's hear about the worst concoction you have either served or been served. Hint: this would probably involve jello, cool whip, miracle whip, crisco, and/or tofu combined in some way with chunks of canned fruit. And, Newscoma, with regard to your comment on my previous post: no adult beverage should ever be combined with Jello.

Holiday Grinch announces changes to blog, name to remain the same.

2007-11-06T15:48:00.000-08:00

It used to be about holidays, now it's about every day.
So the holiday theme was seriously limiting. Not to mention all the other non-topical bloggers who opportunistically pounced on seasonal material considered by the Grinch to be proprietary. ENOUGH! There is something to be Grinchy about 'round the clock, (24/7 in '90's parlance). Holiday Grinch will now be a yearroundgrinch.

Here's a taste of what is to come from your Holiday Grinch:

WHEN will Tennessee let us poor suckers buy wine (and liquor) at the grocery store? This is a ridiculous situation and one that is no longer tolerable. How is it that Walgreens, Costco, Whole Foods, Target, Cost Plus, Kroger, Publix, and all the other mega retailers are not actively fighting this?
Is there a grassroots movement a'brewing? Any petitions out there? I'd like to be able to buy some wine with my groceries before I need a scooter to do it.

Coming next week: my rant against scooters.

Oh, and take your Halloween decorations down!

Yoursverytruly,
Holiday Grinch

Guess Who's Back....Back Again

2007-08-09T16:44:00.000-07:00

Guess who's back...tell a friend.
The Holiday Grinch has been laying low...no good holidays. Who wants to write about about the Fourth of July anyway? Well, along with the back-to-school and back-to-college sales campaigns, I spotted HALLOWEEN costumes at Target today. That would be today, August 9. The day the official temperature hit 104 degrees.
Let the season begin!

The Easter Bunny: Real or Imaginary?

2007-03-16T07:22:00.000-07:00

The Grinch wants to know what you think.

A Wee Limerick For Ya

2007-03-13T13:19:00.000-07:00

Here’s a fine tip from the Grinch
There’s a contest I think you can clinch
Win an iPod Nano in your endeavor
To be creative and clever
You’ll see it can be quite a cinch

So follow this link
With a nod and a wink
To the blogger who calls it “Pour Out”
http://pourout.wordpress.com/change-the-world-win-an-ipod is the route
If you win, I’ll be tickled pink!

Throw me something, Mister!

2007-02-20T14:26:00.000-08:00

Happy Mardi Gras from the Mistick Krewe de Grinch where the saying "Eat, drink, and be merry, because tomorrow we all die" applies to every day, not just the Fat Tuesday before Lent.
C'mon cheres, loosen up, have yourself some fun.
It's Mardi Gras!

Feliz Ano Del Puerco!

2007-02-18T17:15:00.000-08:00

...er, I just got back from Mexico.
Happy Chinese New Year!

PIG!

Happy Groundhog Day from the Grinch Hog

2007-02-02T05:36:00.000-08:00

The official Groundhog, Phil whatever his name is, did not see his shadow today. That means an early spring.
The Groundhog residing in the giant hole which could swallow up any child under the age of three in the front yard of the Grinch family, did not make an appearance. This is a snapsot of the Grinch Hog taken last summer.

Valentine's Backlash

2007-01-26T14:31:00.000-08:00

For those of you who hate Valentine's Day (and there are a lot more of you than I thought), there is a card for you!
I was looking at Valentine's cards today at Target (I do shop at other stores, I promise) and they were organized by the usual categories: From Husband, To Daughter, Romantic, Humorous,etc. They even had Valentines For Pets and From Pets. But I had to laugh when I saw this category: "Anti-Valentine." There were several choices.
Those crazy retailers...they're gonna get you on way or the other.
I also liked the boxed sets of cards for co-workers based on Grey's Anatomy, The Office, and other popular shows which generate 95% of current office water cooler conversation. Much better than Spongebob or Dora the Explorer.

RIP Art Buchwald

2007-01-18T10:15:00.000-08:00

Art Buchwald died today at the age of 81, almost a full year after he refused dialysis and was given a few weeks to live. He defied the odds and had a great year.

That made him even more likeable.

Here's Buchwald on his wit:
"People ask what I am really trying to do with humor," he wrote. "The answer is, 'I'm getting even.' ... For me, being funny is the best revenge."

He got it.

Sorry, Wrong Number

2007-01-09T12:04:00.000-08:00

To the children of the agitated woman who left this message on my cell phone December 17:

"Well you are the damndest children I've ever seen in my life. I been out here all week. Ain't nobody called to see if I was dead, alive, somebody choked me to death, or somethin'.

I don't understand.

Y'all have a good day.
Bye."

... How was your holiday?

Holiday Inventory

2007-01-02T11:27:00.000-08:00

As we enter a new year, many take time to review the year past. Let's just review the trauma of the past couple of weeks, shall we? Oh, and for those of you who take exception to the term "trauma" being used in conjunction with the holidays, you are in denial.

Here's what I did for the holidays:
1. Ate Too Much
2. Drank Too Much
3. Shopped Too Much
4. Traveled in the Car Too Much
5. Ate Too Much

Here's what I saw yesterday, December 22 at Target:

2006-12-23T07:52:00.000-08:00

Seen at Target, December 22, 2006
Originally uploaded by Holiday Grinch.

According to some news reports, Christmas day being on a Monday has thrown the populous into a flumoxy flux. No one seems to be able to get a handle on exactly which day it is that they need to meet all their holiday deadlines. Gift shopping, stocking shopping, last minute forgotten people who "are stopping by" shopping. Pet shopping, friend's pet shopping. Co-worker liquor run. Family liquor run. Grocery shopping for: 1. Out of town guests who eat breakfast. 2. Casserole ingredients. 3. Candy and cookie making supplies. 4. Xmas Eve dinner. 5. Ordering the meat be it a turkey, rib roast, pork loin or rack of lamb. 6. Out of thyme and must have it NOW run to the other, closer, grocery store which you vow to never, ever, shop at again each time you go. Well, you get it. The list goes on and on, and as each day of this holiday weekend passes, the stores get more and more crowded with the strangest people.
Target, has evidently decided to really throw the crowd into a mad dog frenzy, by announcing the need to purchase items for the NEXT holiday on the calendar, while masses are frantically looking for last minute PSP games, candles, sweaters and egg nog.

Hap Hap Happy Valentine's Day!

1st Place: Car Decorating

2006-12-20T09:28:00.000-08:00

To the owner of the dark blue Honda minivan I passed this morning on West Hillwood: Please contact Grinch headquarters to claim your prize. That big red reindeer nose on the center of your grill and the pair of antlers mounted on the rooftop luggage rack made me laugh out loud!
You win!

Well Hung

2006-12-14T05:55:00.000-08:00

Originally uploaded by Holiday Grinch.

Forget the bow on top or bottom debate...just schlong a wreath on any tree limb for a truly unique holiday decoration. And while you're at it, why not add fruit on the bottom. Don't forget the pineapples!
Mele Kalikimata!

Holiday Grinch Attends Blogger Gathering

2006-12-11T18:10:00.000-08:00

It was fun. It was good to meet people I know but don't know. I found out that three or four people there thought that the Holiday Grinch was CeeElCee, or as I prefer to call him at this time of year, Cee*NoEl*Cee (he sparked the idea with that damned button). Well, I need to thank him because I think many of his friends started reading this blog thinking it was his. Otherwise the Holiday Grinch might be as dead as Main Street USA in any small town after 10:00 PM.
I met lots of people and I hate to name them for fear of omitting and/or forgetting anyone (anyway, Sarcastro beat me to it).
I do feel like I have a new Sista, and I may want to broker Kathy T's book. Linda has a babe with great taste in women. Dr. Funkenswine is a really nice guy. I'd be happy to spend hours talking journalism and publishing with Brittney and Rex. I talked with our future mayor and John H. I also met a really nice couple who happen to be my neighbors. Ginger is saucy and Ivy IS Bad (in a good way). I also learned of the inspiration for the Harelip Frog. I avoided a conversation on Apocalypto, but ran smack into one on labia majora. I talked kindergarden with Lisa and acoustic neuromas with Nick. I drank a few beers. I wish Busy Mom and Newscoma were there.

Deck or Rate

2006-12-06T08:27:00.000-08:00

There is a plethora of bad outdoor Christmas decorations seen during this time of year. Unfortunately, this exhibition of poor taste has become so ubiquitous, it's difficult for a hard-working Grinch to find one so singularly bad that it deserves attention. Please be assured that if one is spotted, it will be photographed and posted right here. Stay tuned, it will happen.

In the meantime, I will describe two of the most memorable displays ever seen by The Grinch. Sadly, they were not photographed.

(lights fade)

Picture a working class neighborhood near a large city. It could be anywhere USA, small houses, close to the street, each house has a tiny yard sectioned off by a chain link fence. It is the 1960's, a time before the explosion in modern-day outdoor lighting. Anything more than a small tree or bush covered in lights at a residence would be highly unusual.
This little house had a broad, slanted roof, and every year, without fail, written in cursive across that roof in multi-colored lights was the ultimate in tasteless holiday sentiment:

"Happy Birthday Jesus!"

***************************************

(now fast forward to the 90's)

Lighting has certainly come a long way, but never has a display come anywhere close to this one:

Picture a ranch brick house with a large sloping front lawn. By day, this is nothing but an ordinary house. At night, all is changed. One moment, the house and yard are dark, then suddenly both erupt in the most amazing cacophony of syncopated strobe lighting. It dances, it moves, it's trippy, it's like a scene from Close Encounters or some other spaceship landing. Even the grass is lit up! It's atomic! Holy Crap! It's unbelievable!
Then, without warning, it becomes dark again only to repeat every 30 minutes or so.
This house warranted multiple visits by the Grinch Family for several years. It's dark now, but we still drive by every Christmas, just to check.

Give Peas a Chance

2006-11-28T15:31:00.000-08:00

Chrismas songs: we've heard and misheard them all.
What's your favorite?

Jingle Bells
" ...on a one horse open sleigh..."
or
"...on a one horse soap and sleigh..."

Hark the Herald Angels Sing
"Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled."
or
"Peace on earth and mercy mild, Goddamn sinners reconciled."

Away in a Manger
"The cattle are lowing, the baby awakes..."
or
"The cattle are blowing the baby away..."

We Wish You a Merry Christmas
"Now bring us some figgy pudding..."
or
"Now bring us some friggin' pudding..."

Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer
"You'll go down in history."
or
"You'll go down and hit the tree."

It's official!

2006-11-23T10:15:00.000-08:00

Santa Has Arrived
Originally uploaded by Holiday Grinch.

The Christmas season has begun. It is still recommended that you wait until the Thanksgiving meal has been digested before you begin decorating. Are you ready for some football or will you now join McSmiley and his clan booing the little dogs at the National Dog Show?
Regardless, enjoy this Thanksgiving day.
Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra.

Look, here's the rule:

2006-11-22T09:42:00.000-08:00

"The official start of the Christmas season shall begin when Santa Claus appears on his sleigh at the end of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade."
and it goes on:
"This seasonal start shall be timed to the particular time zone of said observers of Santa."
Christmas decorations are not appropriate, nor should be displayed before this time. Holiday sweaters are seldom appropriate for anyone over the age of ten.

This Just In: Barney Out!

2006-11-22T09:17:00.000-08:00

Originally uploaded by Holiday Grinch.

Nooo, this is not about Barney being gay. He's just not scheduled to appear at this year's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. This shot was taken on Thanksgiving eve last year in New York at the "Balloon Inflation", a little known event held on the Upper West Side. All the balloons are inflated and tied down with netting. It goes on all day and people can walk around and view the sleeping celebs.

On the fourth Thursday in November, 84 million American families will gather together... And wonder why. *

2006-11-21T12:20:00.000-08:00

Wouldn't you like to spend Thanksgiving with Holly Hunter, Robert Downey, Jr., Anne Bancroft, Geraldine Chaplin, and several others brought together by direction of Jodie Foster?

If you've never seen "Home for the Holidays," do it. You're in for a Grinchy Pleasure. If you have seen it before, perhaps it's time to make it a Grinchy Tradition.

This is family holiday dysfunction at its finest.

* The official tagline for "Home for the Holidays"

The Power of Blogging

2006-11-17T13:06:00.000-08:00

Remember that amateur job on the prematurely illuminated tree ?
I drove past the house today and there was a crane in the yard, a second tree had been strung with lights, and stretched across the driveway was a banner advertising a company which professionally decorates home exteriors for the holidays.
Someone must have gotten the message.

Premature Illumination

2006-11-14T10:03:00.000-08:00

First sighting of outdoor lights on a tree: Tuesday night, November 13. One week and two days prior to Thanksgiving. Spotted across the street from the house of the guy who really won the last presidential election and is married to a woman whose name rhymes with Flipper. Definitely an amateur job, which is unusual in those parts.

First Sighting of Christmas Wreath on a Vehicle

2006-11-08T13:07:00.000-08:00

Please make note of the date: November 8, 2006. Please also note that this date is two weeks and one day before Thanksgiving.
Decorating one's car for Christmas seems to have become a new hobby. I assume after decorating the tree, the inside of the house, the mailbox, the outside of the house, the dog's house, and the children, people looked around and said to themselves: "Hmmmm, aside from getting a new holiday sweater, what else can I adorn to show my complete and utter devotion to Christmas?"
"The car!"
Only thing is, the vehicle spotted today was big. It was bigger than an SUV. It was as big as a truck. Actually, it was a truck. It was a garbage truck! Our trash removers are leading the pack in holiday decorating. And it was tastefully done. A simple green wreath with a red ribbon on a white garbage truck.

What's Your Ideal Thanksgiving?

2006-11-07T12:23:00.000-08:00

STUFFING: Cornbread or Oyster?
TURKEY: Fresh or Frozen?
POTATOES: Sweet or Mashed?
BREAD: Biscuits or Rolls?
BEVERAGE: Sweet Tea or Champagne?
CASSEROLE: Green Bean or Squash?
PIE: Pumpkin or Pecan?
AT TABLE: Friends or Family?
TABLETOP: Good China or Chinet?
ON TV: Macy's Parade or Football?
DINNERTIME: Noon or Later?
JELLO SALAD: Tradition or Unforgiveable?
PRAYER: Blessing or Curse?
ATTIRE: Casual or Dressy?
AFTER DINNER: Pants Undone or Out for a Walk?
LEFTOVERS: Keep or Share?

Merry Christmas!

2006-10-31T05:12:00.000-08:00

The stores are picked clean, there is nothing left for Halloween. The Christmas season has begun and stores are fully stocked and decorated. There is a vote in the senate to ratify an ammendment to officially skip Thanksgiving. That way, retailers will have one more full day of sales before December 25.

Last Minute Costume Ideas For Grown Ups

2006-10-27T15:46:00.000-07:00

It's 5:45 pm on the Friday before Halloween. Do you need to come up with an adult (not XXX, you dirty) costume for a party?
If so, you're in luck. I have a couple of ideas.

You can go as:

1. George W.,
Just get a bucket of sand and stick your head in it for the entire party.

2. Laura Bush and/or Katie Holmes,
(or as in "Brangelina," call yourself "Bush-ho" or " KatBush," you get the idea).
Put on a classy outfit and overmedicate. Smile!

3. Madonna and Child
...no not the CHRISTMAS one silly, the one with the new African baby!

4. LiLo (aka Lindsay Lohan).
Get a wax. Go commando. In a dress.

Full Moon in the Mountains

2006-10-23T16:54:00.000-07:00

There was a full moon in the mountains of North Carolina this past weekend and I predict it will remain in place until about November 1st.

I'll be right back

2006-10-18T17:23:00.000-07:00

There will be a lapse in postings for the next few days because this little Grinch is going on...Holiday!
I know, I know, it's a little early in the blogging process to be taking a break already, jeez you just can't find good help anymore.
Oh well, la dee da...I'm outta here! Please make yourself at home and drop me a line. I'll be back with a vengance, and that's a promise!

Halloween on Madison Avenue

2006-10-18T08:47:00.000-07:00

How do you like them pumpkins?

Holiday mood: Grumpy

2006-10-17T12:41:00.000-07:00

...Only because I'm new to this and have wasted many, many hours trying to post a photo on this blog. Set up a Flickr account and everything, but Blogger is being uncooperative. Any advice?

Looks like bagworms or toilet paper

2006-10-15T16:31:00.000-07:00

What's up with that fake cobwebby stuff on the bushes anyway?

It's Friday the 13th

2006-10-13T12:17:00.000-07:00

What better day to start this HOLIDAY blog, than on Friday the 13th of October...an auspicious kickoff to the next upcoming holiday...HALLOWEEN. Spooky, I know.
Actually Halloween is not really a grinchy holiday. it's fairly stress-free. Well, not quite stress-free to parents with small, unreasonable children. You know, those who have purchased THE cutest and most expensive costume on the planet only to have their child loudly, passionately and tearfully declare they will NOT be caught dead wearing THAT. Or perhaps not quite stress-free for adults who have waited too long to think of anything clever to wear to a costume party (it sounded like a good idea at the time) and end up in a freaking sweat at 8:00 pm on October 30 at Ricky's, or Target...or even worse, WalMart.
Face it, even the most benign holidays can make us come unglued...and that's what this blog is all about. Well, that and any other holiday observations that come to mind. I hope you'll come back!