Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Give Peas a Chance

Chrismas songs: we've heard and misheard them all.
What's your favorite?

Jingle Bells
" ...on a one horse open sleigh..."
"...on a one horse soap and sleigh..."

Hark the Herald Angels Sing
"Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled."
"Peace on earth and mercy mild, Goddamn sinners reconciled."

Away in a Manger
"The cattle are lowing, the baby awakes..."
"The cattle are blowing the baby away..."

We Wish You a Merry Christmas
"Now bring us some figgy pudding..."
"Now bring us some friggin' pudding..."

Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer
"You'll go down in history."
"You'll go down and hit the tree."

Thursday, November 23, 2006

It's official!

Santa Has Arrived
Originally uploaded by Holiday Grinch.

The Christmas season has begun. It is still recommended that you wait until the Thanksgiving meal has been digested before you begin decorating. Are you ready for some football or will you now join McSmiley and his clan booing the little dogs at the National Dog Show?
Regardless, enjoy this Thanksgiving day.
Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Look, here's the rule:

"The official start of the Christmas season shall begin when Santa Claus appears on his sleigh at the end of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade."
and it goes on:
"This seasonal start shall be timed to the particular time zone of said observers of Santa."
Christmas decorations are not appropriate, nor should be displayed before this time. Holiday sweaters are seldom appropriate for anyone over the age of ten.

This Just In: Barney Out!

Originally uploaded by Holiday Grinch.

Nooo, this is not about Barney being gay. He's just not scheduled to appear at this year's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. This shot was taken on Thanksgiving eve last year in New York at the "Balloon Inflation", a little known event held on the Upper West Side. All the balloons are inflated and tied down with netting. It goes on all day and people can walk around and view the sleeping celebs.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

On the fourth Thursday in November, 84 million American families will gather together... And wonder why. *

Wouldn't you like to spend Thanksgiving with Holly Hunter, Robert Downey, Jr., Anne Bancroft, Geraldine Chaplin, and several others brought together by direction of Jodie Foster?

If you've never seen "Home for the Holidays," do it. You're in for a Grinchy Pleasure. If you have seen it before, perhaps it's time to make it a Grinchy Tradition.

This is family holiday dysfunction at its finest.

* The official tagline for "Home for the Holidays"

Friday, November 17, 2006

The Power of Blogging

Remember that amateur job on the prematurely illuminated tree ?
I drove past the house today and there was a crane in the yard, a second tree had been strung with lights, and stretched across the driveway was a banner advertising a company which professionally decorates home exteriors for the holidays.
Someone must have gotten the message.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Premature Illumination

First sighting of outdoor lights on a tree: Tuesday night, November 13. One week and two days prior to Thanksgiving. Spotted across the street from the house of the guy who really won the last presidential election and is married to a woman whose name rhymes with Flipper. Definitely an amateur job, which is unusual in those parts.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

First Sighting of Christmas Wreath on a Vehicle

Please make note of the date: November 8, 2006. Please also note that this date is two weeks and one day before Thanksgiving.
Decorating one's car for Christmas seems to have become a new hobby. I assume after decorating the tree, the inside of the house, the mailbox, the outside of the house, the dog's house, and the children, people looked around and said to themselves: "Hmmmm, aside from getting a new holiday sweater, what else can I adorn to show my complete and utter devotion to Christmas?"
"The car!"
Only thing is, the vehicle spotted today was big. It was bigger than an SUV. It was as big as a truck. Actually, it was a truck. It was a garbage truck! Our trash removers are leading the pack in holiday decorating. And it was tastefully done. A simple green wreath with a red ribbon on a white garbage truck.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

What's Your Ideal Thanksgiving?

STUFFING: Cornbread or Oyster?
TURKEY: Fresh or Frozen?
POTATOES: Sweet or Mashed?
BREAD: Biscuits or Rolls?
BEVERAGE: Sweet Tea or Champagne?
CASSEROLE: Green Bean or Squash?
PIE: Pumpkin or Pecan?
AT TABLE: Friends or Family?
TABLETOP: Good China or Chinet?
ON TV: Macy's Parade or Football?
DINNERTIME: Noon or Later?
JELLO SALAD: Tradition or Unforgiveable?
PRAYER: Blessing or Curse?
ATTIRE: Casual or Dressy?
AFTER DINNER: Pants Undone or Out for a Walk?
LEFTOVERS: Keep or Share?