Saturday, December 23, 2006

Here's what I saw yesterday, December 22 at Target:

Seen at Target, December 22, 2006
Originally uploaded by Holiday Grinch.

According to some news reports, Christmas day being on a Monday has thrown the populous into a flumoxy flux. No one seems to be able to get a handle on exactly which day it is that they need to meet all their holiday deadlines. Gift shopping, stocking shopping, last minute forgotten people who "are stopping by" shopping. Pet shopping, friend's pet shopping. Co-worker liquor run. Family liquor run. Grocery shopping for: 1. Out of town guests who eat breakfast. 2. Casserole ingredients. 3. Candy and cookie making supplies. 4. Xmas Eve dinner. 5. Ordering the meat be it a turkey, rib roast, pork loin or rack of lamb. 6. Out of thyme and must have it NOW run to the other, closer, grocery store which you vow to never, ever, shop at again each time you go. Well, you get it. The list goes on and on, and as each day of this holiday weekend passes, the stores get more and more crowded with the strangest people.
Target, has evidently decided to really throw the crowd into a mad dog frenzy, by announcing the need to purchase items for the NEXT holiday on the calendar, while masses are frantically looking for last minute PSP games, candles, sweaters and egg nog.

Hap Hap Happy Valentine's Day!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

1st Place: Car Decorating

To the owner of the dark blue Honda minivan I passed this morning on West Hillwood: Please contact Grinch headquarters to claim your prize. That big red reindeer nose on the center of your grill and the pair of antlers mounted on the rooftop luggage rack made me laugh out loud!
You win!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Well Hung

Originally uploaded by Holiday Grinch.

Forget the bow on top or bottom debate...just schlong a wreath on any tree limb for a truly unique holiday decoration. And while you're at it, why not add fruit on the bottom. Don't forget the pineapples!
Mele Kalikimata!

Monday, December 11, 2006

Holiday Grinch Attends Blogger Gathering

It was fun. It was good to meet people I know but don't know. I found out that three or four people there thought that the Holiday Grinch was CeeElCee, or as I prefer to call him at this time of year, Cee*NoEl*Cee (he sparked the idea with that damned button). Well, I need to thank him because I think many of his friends started reading this blog thinking it was his. Otherwise the Holiday Grinch might be as dead as Main Street USA in any small town after 10:00 PM.
I met lots of people and I hate to name them for fear of omitting and/or forgetting anyone (anyway, Sarcastro beat me to it).
I do feel like I have a new Sista, and I may want to broker Kathy T's book. Linda has a babe with great taste in women. Dr. Funkenswine is a really nice guy. I'd be happy to spend hours talking journalism and publishing with Brittney and Rex. I talked with our future mayor and John H. I also met a really nice couple who happen to be my neighbors. Ginger is saucy and Ivy IS Bad (in a good way). I also learned of the inspiration for the Harelip Frog. I avoided a conversation on Apocalypto, but ran smack into one on labia majora. I talked kindergarden with Lisa and acoustic neuromas with Nick. I drank a few beers. I wish Busy Mom and Newscoma were there.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Deck or Rate

There is a plethora of bad outdoor Christmas decorations seen during this time of year. Unfortunately, this exhibition of poor taste has become so ubiquitous, it's difficult for a hard-working Grinch to find one so singularly bad that it deserves attention. Please be assured that if one is spotted, it will be photographed and posted right here. Stay tuned, it will happen.

In the meantime, I will describe two of the most memorable displays ever seen by The Grinch. Sadly, they were not photographed.

(lights fade)

Picture a working class neighborhood near a large city. It could be anywhere USA, small houses, close to the street, each house has a tiny yard sectioned off by a chain link fence. It is the 1960's, a time before the explosion in modern-day outdoor lighting. Anything more than a small tree or bush covered in lights at a residence would be highly unusual.
This little house had a broad, slanted roof, and every year, without fail, written in cursive across that roof in multi-colored lights was the ultimate in tasteless holiday sentiment:

"Happy Birthday Jesus!"


(now fast forward to the 90's)

Lighting has certainly come a long way, but never has a display come anywhere close to this one:

Picture a ranch brick house with a large sloping front lawn. By day, this is nothing but an ordinary house. At night, all is changed. One moment, the house and yard are dark, then suddenly both erupt in the most amazing cacophony of syncopated strobe lighting. It dances, it moves, it's trippy, it's like a scene from Close Encounters or some other spaceship landing. Even the grass is lit up! It's atomic! Holy Crap! It's unbelievable!
Then, without warning, it becomes dark again only to repeat every 30 minutes or so.
This house warranted multiple visits by the Grinch Family for several years. It's dark now, but we still drive by every Christmas, just to check.