Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Deck or Rate

There is a plethora of bad outdoor Christmas decorations seen during this time of year. Unfortunately, this exhibition of poor taste has become so ubiquitous, it's difficult for a hard-working Grinch to find one so singularly bad that it deserves attention. Please be assured that if one is spotted, it will be photographed and posted right here. Stay tuned, it will happen.

In the meantime, I will describe two of the most memorable displays ever seen by The Grinch. Sadly, they were not photographed.

(lights fade)

Picture a working class neighborhood near a large city. It could be anywhere USA, small houses, close to the street, each house has a tiny yard sectioned off by a chain link fence. It is the 1960's, a time before the explosion in modern-day outdoor lighting. Anything more than a small tree or bush covered in lights at a residence would be highly unusual.
This little house had a broad, slanted roof, and every year, without fail, written in cursive across that roof in multi-colored lights was the ultimate in tasteless holiday sentiment:

"Happy Birthday Jesus!"


(now fast forward to the 90's)

Lighting has certainly come a long way, but never has a display come anywhere close to this one:

Picture a ranch brick house with a large sloping front lawn. By day, this is nothing but an ordinary house. At night, all is changed. One moment, the house and yard are dark, then suddenly both erupt in the most amazing cacophony of syncopated strobe lighting. It dances, it moves, it's trippy, it's like a scene from Close Encounters or some other spaceship landing. Even the grass is lit up! It's atomic! Holy Crap! It's unbelievable!
Then, without warning, it becomes dark again only to repeat every 30 minutes or so.
This house warranted multiple visits by the Grinch Family for several years. It's dark now, but we still drive by every Christmas, just to check.


John H said...

i love the happy birthday Jesus roof story..the word kitsch barely begins to describe this one!

John H said...

hey..I enjoyed meeting you tonight at the blogger are quite friendly for a GriNcH!!